roller coaster

well.. i have been writing. man... there are times i feel completely deflated.. and times when i just want to hurry up and write so i can move on to a happier place! i've realized a lot about myself... healing that still is happening... and healing that has consumed me... making it strange to write and remember events. at some spots i can feel the same pit in my stomach that i felt when i was going through that "season" of life.
last night as if finished up writing for the evening... i felt so content and happy... and filled with who i am NOW. God has made himself known to me. He's filled me up and is showing me more everyday... who He sees me as. How He has created me to be. Looking back over my story... i realize for some reason He created me to balk and question "conformity". Why? I do not know... but that's ingrained in me. i've also started seeing areas that are footholds for satan to use... that are not who He wants me to be. It's CRAZY. this ride He has me on... it's a roller coaster... good thing i love them :) hopefully i won't pee my pants though. haha!